Are you toxic? Do you think you’re in any way toxic to not only yourself but people around you? If your answer is yes, then it means you are already making plans to eliminate this toxicity. But if your answer is no, then it’s either true or you do not know yet.
In this post, I am going to share how I stopped being friends with someone who was toxic to my mental health and how I made him realise he was not just toxic to me but some other people also. You see, we can’t see what we do until we look into the mirror, someone imitates our actions back at us or someone really sits us down to make us understand that our actions sometimes can be detrimental to people’s health.
I once had a friend, let’s call him Cain. Cain had been my really good friend for years, or so I thought, until I made the mental exercise I suggested in previous posts “support system” (check that out if you haven’t already). I got to realise that Cain had never for once being my friend but I have always been there for him every step of the way. Now, being there for a friend is quite a normal thing until I noticed that the only time Cain calls, is when he’s going through a lot be it emotionally, financially or mentally.
Cain only remembered Solape only when he had problems, not when he was happy or things were working out for him. And you know what they say about energy transfer? Well, it is a situation where by someone else’s energy robs off on you. This sad energy Cain always brought to our conversations, always had a way of weighing me down but since I get over things quite easily, I always tend to brush it off the next minute. But this was a constant practice by Cain each and every time and even though I knew it was wrong, I still held on to him for not months but years.
Then just last year, I was talking to another friend and the conversation of people calling only when they need help popped up. It was in this conversation that I mentioned my situation of Cain with this friend. Right there and then, I knew it had to stop so I decided that I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt one more time. And then guess what? He failed.
Let me quickly mention something before I go on. I personally am not the kind of person that shares my problem with people, I need to feel comfortable in sharing what is going on with me because I so much believe that if it is not a financial problem, no one can help you fix your own problems. I decided for the first time in my life to actually share one of my problems with Cain in which his response was that I was going to be fine, which is something I say all the time.
So, when Cain called again, it was because he needed my help a-gain. I expected this to happen but at the same time this call happened six weeks after I had shared a problem with him. He didn’t even dim it fit to call all through the six weeks or even when he made the last phone call to me just because he needed my help. I didn’t promise to help him with what he needed but he knew for sure that I would always help so after that conversation, I requested for his other numbers and I blocked him on all platforms so he won.t be able to contact me.
Cain found out a month later that I had blocked him so he reached out with a friend’s number. I then told him how much of a toxic person he has been to me in all our years of friendship and how I’ve been the one who has been a friend to him and not the other way round. To sum it up, it was a back and forth conversation and we said a lot to each other. At a point he asked for a way forward and I had to bluntly tell him that If I saw a way forward, I would have spoken to him like adults and because I do not, I simply blocked him. We wished each other the best and that was the end of our friendship.
There are a lot of excesses we tolerated from each other throughout the years of our friendship but I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to make him realise that he was not only toxic to me but my other friends as well.
There are several ways one can be toxic to the other person and you might not know it until someone points it out. But if there is something I would like you to take home from all these, it is that you should eliminate toxic people from your life like a plague no matter how long that friendship has been, if you truly want to have a sane mind and be at peace with yourself. I made my decision last year and I’m glad I did cos I really needed the fresh start. In case you’re wondering, I won’t miss the friendship either cos like I said, I get over things and people easily.
As you make the conscious effort to not be toxic to your fellow humans, I sincerely wish you all the best. I am @therealsoape as always on shollylive.wordpress.com